The Many, Many Sayings of Fred and George Weasley
by Lyra Pendragon
Summary: Was I bored? Yes. Extremely. I've gotten my own exclusive collection of most of the stuff that FredGeorge say or do in the books! R
1. Book One

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The Many, Many Sayings and Doings of Fred and George Weasley

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Disclaimer: None of this at all belongs to me but to Miss Joanne Kathleen Rowling. None of this is really any of my writing....I just wanted to get myself a nice collection of all the stuff (or most of it) that Fred and George say. They make me laugh so.....

Book One

"Oy, Fred!"

"Blimey. Are you--"

"_Harry Potter!"_

"Aaah, has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?"

"Oh, are you a _prefect_, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea." 

"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it, Once--"

"Or twice--"

"A minute--"

All summer--"

"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."

"Great idea though, thanks, Mom."

"Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us."

"Never mind that, do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?"

"All right, keep your hair on."

"We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat."

"We got Potter! We got Potter!"

-At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march-(at the sorting ceremony; the school song)

-Harry had heard Fred and George Weasley complain about the school brooms, saying that some of them started to vibrate if you flew too high, or always flew slightly to the left-

"Anyway, we've got to go, Lee Jordan reckons he's found a new secret passageway out of the school"

"Bet it's that one behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy that we found in our first week."

"The big one."

"The one we've all been waiting for." 

"We know Oliver's speech by heart, we were on the team last year."

"All right there, Harry?"

-The lake froze solid and the Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so that they followed Quirrel around, bouncing off the back of his turban.-

"Merry Christmas!"

"Hey, look--Harry's got a Weasley sweater, too!"

"Harry's is better than ours, though. She obviously makes more of a effort if you're not family."(referring to first Harry's Christmas sweater, then to Molly Weasley)

"Why aren't you wearing yours, Ron? Come on, get it on, they're lovely and warm."

"You haven't got a letter on yours. I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid--we know we're called Gred and Forge."

"P for prefect! Get it on, Percy, come on, we're all wearing ours, even Harry got one."

-They frog-marched Percy from the room, his arms pinned to his side by his sweater.-

-...everyone felt too full and sleepy to do much before bed except sit and watch Percy chase Fred and George all over Gryffindor tower because they'd stolen his prefect badge.-(on Christmas night)

-He'd just gotten very angry with the Weasleys, who kept dive-bombing each other and pretending to fall off their brooms.-('He' is Oliver Wood)

"_Snape's_ refereeing?"

"...I believe Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you. Madam Pomfrey, however, felt it might not be very hygienic, and confiscated it."-Professor Dumbledore

"I always hope they'll forget to give us these."-referring to the notes handed out at the end of the year warning students not to use magic outside of school


	2. Book Two

Book Two

"All right, Harry?"

-"We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me."-( referring to the fact that they don't need to use magic to get Harry out of the Dursleys' house, because Fred and George are with them)

"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick, but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow."(referring to their skills at picking a lock with a hairpin.)

"Very fishy." (Fish....mmmm....)

"Definitely dodgy."

"Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing, but all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden..."

"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer, and he _has_ been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room...I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge..."

"Touchdown!"

"Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly, and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast. Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, 'Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car." (good plan, too bad it didn't work)

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As the Furious Mrs. Weasley Appears

"_Ah."_

"Oh, dear."

"Morning, Mum."(In what George clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice *sniggers*)

"Perfect Percy."

"It was _cloudy,_ Mum!" (so? If I'd have even seen a flying tire below the clouds at four in the morning, I would've freaked out!)

"They were starving him, Mum!"

"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry." (poor...poor Ginny....Harry doesn't like her...I'd prefer him to like her more than Cho....)

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The Valiant Attempt to not be Punished

"_Blimey,_ I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed and--" (what? they can't get even a wink of sleep after saving Mr. Hero? Why???)

"Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden--"

"Mum _fancies_ him." (Lockhart. You know.)

"Pitiful. I bet I can get mine beyond that stump." (de-gnoming!)

"Wow, Harry--that must've been fifty feet..." (stupid Harry....that throw was beginner's luck....or maybe just pain...)

"See, they're not too bright. The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put." (wisdom of George on the stupidity of gnomes)

"You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too! The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan--bet it's a witch."

"Wish I knew what he was up to. He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all." (Percy is 'he')

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In Diagon Alley

"_Excellent!"_ (at the news that Harry turned up in Knockturn Alley after using Floo Powder)

"Get him, Dad!" (eee! Weasley attacked Malfoy!)

"He was pleased. Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the _Daily Prophet_ if he'd be able to work the fight into his report--said it was all publicity--" (after Mrs. Weasley started complaining about Mr. Weasley's fight at Flourish and Blotts and what Lockhart must've thought)

"Why couldn't we've come in the car, eh?"

-As Wood launched into a spech about his new tactics, Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore.- (before a quidditch practice..er..very early in the morning...)

"I've got a question, Oliver," said George, who had woken with a start. "Why couldn't you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?" (yep. still before quidditch practice^_^)

"What's that funny clicking noise?" (referring to Colin Creevey's camera)

-Fred and George Weasley had an entire drawer to themselves.- (referring to the files in Filch's office)

-The firelight glowed over the countless squashy armchairs where people sat reading, talking, doing homework, or, in the case of Fred and George Weasley, trying to find out what would happen if you fed a Filibuster firework to a salamander. Fred had "rescued" the brilliant orange, fire-dwelling lizard from a Care of Magical Creatures class and it was now smouldering gently on a table surrounded by a knot of curious people.-

-Harry was at the point of telling Ron and Hermione about Filch and the Kwikspell course when the salamander suddenly whizzed into the air, emitting loud sparks and bangs as it whilred wildly round the room. The sight of Percy bellowing himself hoarse at Fred and George-

"Too true," muttered George Weasley. "I haven't been properly dry since August." (After Oliver Wood says that they've been flying in all weather for quidditch practice.)

"So no pressure, Harry." (after Wood tells Harry to catch the snitch or die trying)

"Close one, Harry!"

"Gotcha!" (both this and above are referring to the rogue bludger.)

"Someone's--tampered--with--this--Bludger--"

"We were twenty feet above her, stopping the other Bludger from murdering Harry, Oliver. Someone's fixed it--"

"Don't be thick."

"This is all your fault. 'Get the Snitch or die trying,' what a stupid thing to tell him--" (talking to Oliver)

-Through the thicket of legs around him, Harry spotted Fred and George Weasley, wrestling the rogue Bludger into a box.-

"Unbelievable flying, Harry."

-Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..."-

"Oh, get out of the way, Percy, Harry's in a hurry."

"Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant."

- "Oh, _don't_, she wailed every time Fred asked Harry loudly who he was planning to attack next, or when George pretended to ward Harry off with a large clove of garlic when they met.- (Ginny)

-Percy, who hadn't noticed that Fred had bewitched his prefect badge so that it now read "Pinhead," kept asking them all what they were sniggering at.-

-This was partly because he didn't think he could stand Fred and George singing, "His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad" one more time-(why Harry decided to go to bed early)

"Percy's in shock. That Ravenclaw girl--Penelope Clearwater--she's a prefect."

-Fred dropped a stack of books on George's head.-(after Ginny tells them that Percy's got a girlfriend)

"_What?_"

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Fred, who was looking like his birthday had come early.

"Definitely not," said George, sniggering. (After Ginny asks them if they'll tease Percy)


	3. Book Three

A/N: I haven't updated this for a long time, so you'll be confused at this sudden change. I'm thinking about redoing the first two chapters so they'll be more like this one. I'll take votes. Please tell me in your reviews if I should redo the first two chappies...  
  
BOOK THREE:  
  
~Ron's letter~ ...Bill says it's rubbish sold for wizard tourists and isn't reliable, because it kept lighting up at dinner last night. But he didn't realize Fred and George had put beetles in his soup...  
  
~In the Leaky Cauldron~ "Harry! Simply SPLENDID to see you, old boy--"  
  
"Marvelous, Absolutely spiffing."  
  
"Mum! How really corking to see you--" (gotta love the sarcasm)  
  
"What do we want to be prefects for? It'd take all the fun out of life."  
  
"We tried to shut him in a pyramid, but Mum spotted us." (Referring to Percy...hehehe)  
  
~Percy's Troubles~ "We've got it. We;ve been improving it." The badge now read Bighead Boy.  
  
...Fred and George, who had looked in to congratulate Ron on infuriating Percy again...  
  
~Draco Has Now Been Declared a Coward~ "That little git. He wasn't so cocky last night when the dementors were down at our end of the train.  
  
Came running into our compartment, didn't he Fred?"  
  
"Nearly wet himself."  
  
~We've got two UNBEATABLE Beaters~ "Stop it, Oliver, you're embarrassing us!" (While they're pretending to blush *sniggers*)  
  
"We think you're very good too, Oliver."  
  
"Spanking good Keeper."  
  
~Hogsmeade Anyone?~ "Excellent, I need to visit Zonko's. I'm nearly out of Stink Pellets."  
  
~One Cedric Diggory–From the Eyes of Jealous Boys~ "He's only silent because he's too thick to string two words together. I don't know why you're worried, Oliver, Hufflepuff is a pushover. Last time we played them, Harry caught the Snitch in about five minutes, remember?"  
  
"Oliver, calm down! We're taking Hufflepuff very seriously. SERIOUSLY."  
  
~Sadness...They Lost~ "Harry! How're you feeling?"  
  
"You fell off. Must've been–what–fifty feet?"  
  
"Still in the showers. We think he's trying to drown himself." (Referring to Oliver Wood)  
  
"C'mon, Harry, you've never missed the Snitch before."  
  
"There had to be one time you didn't get it."  
  
"We'll come and see you later. Don't beat yourself up, Harry, you're still the best Seeker we've ever had."  
  
~The Marauder's Map~ "Psst–Harry!"  
  
"We've come to give you a bit of festive cheer before we go. Come in here..."  
  
"Early Christmas present for you, Harry."  
  
"This, Harry, is the secret of our success." (Patting the parchment fondly)  
  
"It's a wrench, giving it to you, but we decided last night, your need's greater than ours."  
  
"Anyway, we know it by heart. We bequeath it to you. We don't really need it anymore."  
  
("And what do I need with a bit of old parchment?") "A bit of old parchment! Explain, George." (Harry! You have mortally offended him!)  
  
"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry–young, careless, and innocent- -" insert snort from Harry here "–well, more innocent than we are now–we got into a spot of bother with Filch."  
  
"We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason--"  
  
"So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual--"  
  
"–detention--"  
  
"--disembowelment--"  
  
"–and we couldn't help noticing a drawer in one of his filing cabinets marked 'Confiscated and Highly Dangerous.'"  
  
"Well, what would you've done? George caused a diversion by dropping another Dungbomb, I whipped the drawer open, and grabbed–this."  
  
"It's not as bad as it sounds, you know. We don't reckon Filch ever found out how to work it. He probably suspected what it was, though, or he wouldn't have confiscated it."  
  
"Oh yes, this little beauty's taught us more than all the teachers in this school."  
  
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." (Ah...yes...)  
  
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, we owe them so much."  
  
"Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of law-breakers."  
  
"Right, don't forget to wipe it after you've used it--"  
  
"–or anyone can read it."  
  
"Just tap it again and say, "Mischief managed!" And it'll go blank."  
  
"So, young Harry, mind you behave yourself."  
  
"See you in Honeydukes."  
  
~Poor, poor Scabbers~ "Come on, Ron, you were always saying how boring Scabbers was. And he's been off-color for ages, he was wasting away. It was probably better for him to snuff it quickly–one swallow–he probably didn't feel a thing."  
  
"All he did was eat and sleep, Ron, you said it yourself."  
  
"His finest hour," (was when he bit Goyle *snorts*), "Let the scar on Goyle's finger stand as a lasting tribute to his memory. Oh, come on, Ron, get yourself down to Hogsmeade and buy a new rat, what's the point of moaning?"  
  
~On Dementors~ "The dementors won't turn up again, Oliver. Dumbledore'd go ballistic."  
  
~Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw~ "Show her your acceleration, Harry!"  
  
-Fred had him in a grip so tight Harry felt as though his head would come off-  
  
"Come on, Harry! Party! Gryffindor common room, now!"  
  
~The Party~ "With a little help from Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs."  
  
"Excellent, are we carrying on?"  
  
~The Most Violent Match Ever~ -A moment later, Fred Weasley chucked his Beater's club at the back of Flint's head.-  
  
-George Weasley elbowed Bole in the face in retaliation.-  
  
-Fred and George Weasley were swooping around her, clubs raised, in case any of the Slytherings were thinking of revenge.-  
  
-Fred Weasley pelted a Bludger at Warrington...  
  
-Harry felt two large thumps as Fred and George hit them...  
  
~Exams~ -Even Fred and George Weasley had been spotted working; they were about to take their O.W.L.s........  
  
A/N: I have a feeling that I left out a whole bunch of quotes...argh! Oh well, now ppl will have something to complain about. Don't forget! Vote on whether or not I should redo the first two chappies! 


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